Delhi

Today I met A, V's business partner. She is a historian and together V and A run a non-profit through which they curate a library and organise conferences on women's affairs. She gave me some interesting information about Rajasthan, the state I'll be working in. Rajasthan means "land of the kings (raja)" and they have a very interesting warrior-culture past that left a legacy of female disempowerment. I didn't quite understand the motivation behind this culture. A told me there is a story of a king who hesitated to go to war because he didn't want to leave his lovely wife behind, so the queen presented him when her head on a silver platter. The point was she was more than willing to sacrifice herself so that he could fulfill his duty, a notion that flies in the face of most Western ideals. That definitely piqued my interest in my host organisation, MSS, which is a women's empowerment organisation.

We also spoke about liberal arts colleges in India, politics and history, comparing India with Singapore and the US. Whenever we speak about social phenomena, my thoughts always turn back to Singapore. When (if?) I return, will there be space for me?

I also met V's driver, Sunil, and the cook, Sri, and his wife. They are very friendly but we cannot communicate! I thought Sri's wife was pregnant when it was just a big belly and she laughed amusedly. It took me a while to accept that their jobs are to serve me, just as a waiter does in a restaurant. Even though I've grown up with a maid my entire life in Singapore, this concept has never been one I was comfortable with. This is a cultural way of providing a safety net and social network. House helps spend most of their time with the well-off family, and the well-off family can provide the house helps with financial assistance if there's an emergency. Of course this differs over households and cultures and there are ways people abuse this situation (at least in Singapore; I don't know about India), but in the absence of other alternatives, to give a man or woman some money for driving you around or cooking and cleaning your house can be empowering. At least they're earning a decent living.

I read the newspapers today. Many aspects of India are familiar to me because they relate to either the US or Singapore: the parliamentary system, the current debate on including caste in the census, the competitive school system (today marked the beginning of applications to university), certain acronyms (DUI: Driving Under the Influence and GST:Goods and Services Tax). There was an article on the upcoming climate change talks in Bonn next week. As I read it in the shade on the balcony, struggling to breathe in the hot dusty air, I was reminded of Esther Wong's blog entry on environmental justice: the poor are often the ones who suffer from the rich world's inconsiderate use of resources. Today's haze and the dust storm is atypical but I know the pollution is not, and many decisions--by India, by foreign companies, by foreign countries--probably contributed to the unclean air.

I fly off to Jodhpur tomorrow afternoon. This week there was an Air India strike and normal operations resumed today--whew! I'm thankful I'm here, safe, and everything has gone smoothly so far. I hope to return to Delhi after my internship with Jodhpur ends, meet V, and see more of the city.

Safe...for the moment

Finally made it to my mum's friend V's house in Delhi! I actually feared for my life on the way there because although the driver had a sign with my name on it and was driving a Honda Accord, just like V said he would be, the sign wasn't the one I'd made for him and he was with another guy. I asked him where he was taking me and gave me the correct address but I didn't relax until we actually entered the house, they showed me around and left. Somehow, between their broken English and my vigorous nods and smiles, we managed to communicate. Before they left, though, I practiced the only Hindi phrase I know: "Apka naam kia he?" What is your name? Hopefully that made me marginally more legit in their eyes.

I'm now sitting in the bedroom of V's place. I'll be in Delhi for two nights and then fly to Jodhpur, where I'll begin orientation with the Foundation for Sustainable Development (FSD), the "middleman" organisation that links volunteers to local nonprofits. There is AC in this house, a huge relief, because without it I feel like a giant hair dryer is blowing straight at me everywhere I walk. V's friend is coming over tomorrow, and she can speak English. I realised I have to print out my ticket for my flight to Jodhpur and I hope she can help me with that. There are other things I need to take care of--my bottle of lotion leaked in my suitcase and I need to clean it up; I'd like to repack my bookbag so it isn't so darned heavy (being the bookworm I am, I packed 5 books into my carry-on)--but I'm too tired to move and want to fall into bed as soon as my hair dries.

I wish I could speak or understand Hindi. I feel very vulnerable in this place, where I look different and speak a different language. Apart from this trip, the only other time I can remember being in a country where I was not able to understand or speak the language was when my family and I went to Thailand. In all the other places, English or Chinese was enough to get by. I've never had to find my way around like this on my own before, and luckily I won't be doing this on my own for much longer. I don't think I have enough street smarts to do it!

I can also see how my unfamiliarity with the language can inconvenience me and others, especially when I begin working at my organisation, MSS. MSS proposed that, amongst other things, I either teach English, conduct a programme evaluation, or conduct a survey in slums. I can forsee myself dragging another MSS colleague along to translate, and in my mind that might be an inefficient distribution of resources. I don't know how this is all going to work out but I know that while FSD requires people who intern in South America to know Spanish, there are no language requirements for African countries or India. Also, countless other volunteers/interns encounter this problem, so I'm sure both FSD and my host organisation have ways of circumventing the language issue. I'm I'm not wrong, we'll also be given a crash course on Hindi next week. So I'm going to assume that it'll all be ok.

Good night, y'all.

(Btw, I figured out the timestamp on this blog so from now on it'll accurately reflect the time of this post at the location I'm in.)

Promise.

 By Discoodoni; flickr.com

My promise to you
is that I will update this blog while I'm in India
regardless of how busy I get.

What college is for

Read a couple of articles about an elite education from The American Scholar: Solitude and Leadership, and The Disadvantages of an Elite Education.

Some takeaway points about learning that I got from the articles:
1. I've definitely realised how multitasking inhibits my effectiveness and have been making it a point to focus on completing one task at a time. I never knew how pervasive multitasking was in my life until I tried completing only one task without being distracted by other things!
2. Deresiewicz's point about reading classic books is something I've never thought about before. I always liked reading books from recent times because I understand them better; I tend to shy away from books that were written before the 1990s. But now he's set me a challenge, and maybe I will pick up James Joyce or Joseph Conrad now.

Now, regarding education.

My choice to remain as a student of the Liberal Arts College, career path undefined, and not enroll in the business school, nursing school, or embark on the pre-professional track was because something in me urges me to keep exploring the world and the boundaries of my mind. Many times it feels like I can't control this urge to find out more. This desire often seems to be the antithesis of a pre-professional path.

When I was a sophomore, I was faced with the decision to apply to the business school. I eventually decided not to because every time I thought about the business school, I felt an intense revulsion towards it. Although being in the business school teaches one very useful skills, to me, that path seemed stifling. All those class requirements, tedious group work assignments, and excel spreadsheets seemed boring compared to the prospect of being able to read, write papers, and attend discussions on issues such as globalisation, development, and urban revitalisation.

Many college students would argue that previous paragraph's articulated notions of a liberal arts education and a business school education are somewhat idealistic, and I agree. When I take College classes, I find myself frequently disappointed because I don't have the in-depth, thought-provoking discussions as often as I'd like to. Despite this, College classes still give me the opportunity to reflect on these "big" questions. These reflections have given me a solid framework for viewing the world critically, achieving the aim of a liberal arts education articulated by Deresiewicz in "The Disadvantages of an Elite Education".

Deresiewicz argues that the liberal arts education was founded on the premise that a broad, socially conscious education is the best means of fostering intellectual development, which people viewed was important for social change to occur. However, elite universities now pay lip service to that notion and are instead more concerned with creating excellent technicians ("hoop-jumpers" is his term): people with good engineering, business, medical skills who don't always look beyond their immediate course of study to evaluate how they can use these skills for the betterment of society. The elite universities of the US thus fall short of their original mission to educate the youth.

Deresiewicz also argues that that an elite education is "anti-intellectual" as it nurtures a false desire for financial security and discourages risk-taking. According to him, different universities attract students of a certain social echelon and train them for the social position they will occupy when they graduate. At Yale, they are trained to be professionals, graduating with a grade-inflated GPA and multiple extracurriculars; at a lesser college they are trained "for positions somewhere in the middle of the class system". This emphasis on material well-being discourages risk-taking and intellectual courage. Students reason to themselves that since their families spent so much on their education, they shouldn't waste it by becoming a low income-earner--which they might become if they follow their passions.

Deresiewicz then goes on to link this aversion to risk-taking with anti-intellectualism. "The system forgot to teach them, along the way to the prestige admissions and the lucrative jobs, that the most important achievements can’t be measured by a letter or a number or a name. It forgot that the true purpose of education is to make minds, not careers."

He then links intellectualism with social change:

Since the idea of the intellectual emerged in the 18th century, it has had, at its core, a commitment to social transformation. Being an intellectual means thinking your way toward a vision of the good society and then trying to realize that vision by speaking truth to power. It means going into spiritual exile. It means foreswearing your allegiance, in lonely freedom, to God, to country, and to Yale. It takes more than just intellect; it takes imagination and courage. “I am not afraid to make a mistake,” Stephen Dedalus says, “even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity, too.”

I agree with this because I have a natural inclination towards learning. I love ideas; in fact, I often get very distracted by them. They seem like little fireflies that flit to and fro in front of me, and I keep swiping at them, trying to possess them, but they are never in my hand for long. Initially I thought that was a disadvantage when everyone around me seems to be so focused, but now I'm beginning to realise that my need for a broad perspective is an immutable part of me that must be honed and used for the greater good.

So although as an individual I agree with Deresiewicz's argument for a greater emphasis on learning, I think he's coming to the table with some assumptions that aren't true for everyone. He's assuming that intellectualism and individualism are ideals that everyone should and does strive for. I believe that people hold different values in this world, and the university system, like much of America, tries to accommodate all types of students: the ones who would like to change the world on a macro level, and the ones who would rather focus on individual issues, perhaps involving their family and loved ones, first. Because of this aim to meet a broad section of society's needs, the university system will inevitably disappoint some people. But in general, it will be sufficient for these different types of students.

I've encountered many different types of students on Emory's campus, and many care about intellectual inquiry, but to different extents. Many appreciate that a greater awareness of the world can help an individual be a more sensitive, precise problem-solver, but this extra bit of education does not always make them inclined to change the world with big plans and big ideas. There are many students who would like to change the world, but there are others who are perfectly happy and preoccupied with their families, relationships, and future career. I don't sense that they feel a certain urge to be "leaders" and change the world on a large scale. They may very well, through their commitment to specific communities, change their communities, and this contribution is just as important to society than change on a large scale.

Although it is important to think critically about issues in order to tackle them thoughtfully, there must come a point when enough information has been gathered and action must be taken. We will never know if our well-crafted plans are successful unless they are put in action, and for different issues, the level of thoughtfulness and preparation required before action is different. There is great value in learning while doing as well, and for some people this may be a very effective means of problem-solving.

Secondly, Deresiewicz acknowledges that the consequences to taking risks are less severe in the US compared to the rest of the world, and thus encourages students of elite universities to take these risks to discover themselves:

You can live comfortably in the United States as a schoolteacher, or a community organizer, or a civil rights lawyer, or an artist—that is, by any reasonable definition of comfort. You have to live in an ordinary house instead of an apartment in Manhattan or a mansion in L.A.; you have to drive a Honda instead of a BMW or a Hummer; you have to vacation in Florida instead of Barbados or Paris, but what are such losses when set against the opportunity to do work you believe in, work you’re suited for, work you love, every day of your life?

This doesn't sit well with me. Deresiewicz seems to be operating under the assumption that self-actualisation, doing what one loves and is most passionate about, is what all college students should strive for. In reality, college students are driven to fulfill different needs. Assuming Maslow's theory of the hierarchy of needs holds, each student can be motivated by their need for safety, love, or self-esteem, needs that fall below the pinnacle of the pyramid, self-actualisation. Some students may legitimately feel that they cannot afford to take risks as they have to return to parents who are struggling to make ends meet, who sent their children to college in hope that they will return to alleviate their burdens. Students of elite universities who have these types of family circumstances are few and far between, but they are present. Should they just run off to become artists or farmers? That seems to be a pretty individualistic, selfish choice.

I struggle with this decision. I always feel the need to provide for my parents in the future, yet my interests pull me away from the conventional, money-making path. Because despite my criticisms of Deresiewicz's article, I believe that there is great value in intellectual inquiry, in asking both "big questions" and preparing to tackle small, bite-sized tasks. Often, though, asking big questions doesn't necessarily pay. Yet if I feel this is something I am called to do, what can I do but trust and follow?

Faith and the city

From zastavki.com

More from Tim Keller: a talk about Christianity and Creativity.

"Be reticent about talking directly about your faith...if people respect your art, they'll put up with your faith."

I think the phrase "your art" can be replaced with "you". It is not easy to be both respected in the world's eyes and a God-chaser; wanting to be respected often bleeds into wanting others' adoration and approval, and for me that is a very dangerous road to traverse. Yet only when I chase God can I truly be respect-able, not a hypocrite.

Dr Keller's talks have resonated with me recently. As the pastor for one of the biggest churches in New York City, he is very in tune with the views of young adults in big cities. He understands this pervasive tune of postmodernism and sympathises with the confusion it creates about how to be tolerant and accepting of diversity while maintaining faith in a holy God. He recognises the transience of relationships and vocations in a city and accepts that this state of affairs is not necessarily wrong.

Most importantly, he emphasises the need to hold values and traditions dear but not idolise them. Because when a value becomes an idol, to be followed unthinkingly at all cost, we begin to look away from God and focus instead on the things we have created.

Culture, here, inside me, and over there.

Just listened to a sermon on culture by Tim Keller.

Cultural activity glorifies God because it involves taking raw material, drawing its potentiality out and arranging it for the flourishing of people. But when that becomes our identity, it doesn't glorify God.

Lately I've come to realise how important it is for me to be good at things. There's nothing wrong with that, but when this desire overtakes my life and controls my actions, I become self-centred and lose sight of what God wants me to do. So it was good to be reminded of that again by the sermon.

Another thought regarding it was how culture plays out in other societies, particularly less materially wealthy ones. I'm glad I'm going to India soon because I think I'm ready to find that out for myself.

Rethinking Research

If you're in Singapore this coming week:

A close friend of mine, Professor Andrew Francis, is giving a seminar at the SMU School of Economics. He'll be speaking about how the Affirmative Action Policy in the University of Brasilia, Brazil, has affected the racial identity of students there.

Andy is a assistant professor of economics at Emory and I worked as his research assistant last year on this project. His interests are closely related to mine; both of us seek to use empirical economic methodology to examine social issues such as discrimination, homelessness and income inequality. In a sense, his research uses econometrics to analyse traditional sociological issues. It comes close to being a form of community research since it looks at the effects of a policy on the people.

This seminar could help broaden students', academics' and non-profits' perspective on how research can be used to advocate and catalyse change.

Details:
Topic: Education policy and racial identity in Brazil
Location: SMU School of Economics, SOE/SESS Seminar Room 5.1
Date: Monday, 24 May 2010
Time: 3:30pm

Do spread the word around to anyone who might be interested!

My life in some pictures

An Extra Fancy Washington Apple from Safeway. One of the best apples I've ever tasted!

After finals, I spent about a week tying up my year as an RA. This involved checking residents' rooms to record any damages or cleanliness issues, filling up a lot of paperwork, and taking pictures of the damages. Some examples:

On the upside, at least I don't have to clean these rooms!

Flew to Seattle to hang out with Dan on Tuesday. Dan lives in a house with 12 other people. This is what Dan's house looks like from the back, which is the entrance that I use most of the time:I've been staying in the girls' side of the house with the 7 other girls who stay here, three of which are Suzy, Kaitlyn and Marah. Today is Saturday, and they've spent the day chilling out in the house:

Above: Suzy in her bedroom showing off what she was doing before I interrupted her: fiddling with her Blackberry. Below: Kaitlyn and Marah in the kitchen. They're looking for apartments.
Before last night, I slept on a couch in the living room, but last night I got a bed because one of the girls, Kathleen, went to California for the weekend! It was a good sleep.

This trip to Seattle is very different from my previous visits because I get to be around Dan's friends more often than usual. The community that Dan lives with is very friendly and I'm glad that he gets to hang out with more people now that he's living with them. Most of his housemates go to his church, and most are part of the same small group (which is held in the house). It's a nice support network.

I haven't been resting as much as I wanted to because every day there's something to do. I've also been getting pretty irregular sleeps and meals since finals ended, which has been rather bad for my mood. Those closing duties for my RA job can be a drag, and I felt lonely because I was stuck working instead of enjoying the sun and playing with friends after finals. This carried over into Seattle as I had to get used to the 3-hour time difference and live in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. Today, after a 9-hour night's rest, I finally feel awake and alive and happy.

Things I have been doing in Seattle:
1. Went to Vancouver and Richmond, a suburb of Vancouver, yesterday with Dan and his two friends, Philip and Shawn. We ate our way through the city--dim sum, Greek food, Transylvanian desserts, Asian pastries. Too much food in too little time but thankful for the opportunity to get to know Philip and Shawn better. And see the beautiful snow-capped mountains loom over concrete cities under the vast blue sky.

2. Somehow managed to wrangle a visit to an intermediate ballet and advanced modern dance class at the University of Washington, where Dan studies. I emailed the undergraduate programme director and fully disclosed that I'm a college student from Emory who's just interested in seeing what the UW dance programme is like. And she was nice enough to let me take class! I'll be taking them back-to-back on Monday and since I don't have any ballet shoes with me in the US I have to buy them tomorrow.

3. Made Indonesian curry from a packet with Dan a few days ago. Mmmm.

4. Danced on the green lawns of the UW quad on Wednesday while waiting for Dan to get out of class. Because I needed to move, and it was warm and sunny outside. Practised hand stands, barrel turns, axels and cartwheels, and relished the feeling of pretending I was invisible because no one knew who I was.

5. Sat on the garage in the warm sun reading.

6. Exchanged emails with my brother about life and college. They were unusually honest and long emails, and I'm thankful that we are able to communicate in this way.

7. Ate wonderful sashimi as Musashi's in Wallingford. Going to Musashi's and ordering their Chirashi sushi is pretty much a tradition for me and Dan. Yaozhang introduced it to us the first night I landed in Seattle for my first visit and it's become the place we go to for good, relatively cheap sashimi. As a semi-food snob (because I'm too cheap to pay big bucks for really good food, but I can't stand sub-par food), I refuse to eat any sort of sashimi unless it meets a certain standard. So I don't touch sashimi in Atlanta as I fear being disappointed. The sensation of cold, firm, subtly-flavoured sashimi on my tongue after at least three months of abstinence was therefore wonderful.

8. Learning to commit, to love, and to accept unconditionally.

Other news:

1. I am working on a post about education in reference to two articles from The American Scholar: Solitude and Leadership, and The Disadvantages of an Elite Education. It will appear soon.

2. I just received news on what I will be doing in India. I indicated that I'd like to work in a microfinance bank, and the Jodhpur FSD team told me about an organisation that they were trying to connect me with. I guess that didn't work out, because they ended up posting me to Marwar Seva Sanstha (MSS), a women's rights organisation, instead. MSS provides vocational training and general support to equip women and girls. Currently it focuses on migrants and the dalit (lowest caste) populations. Although I'm slightly disappointed that I won't be doing microfinance, I'm excited to see how I can contribute to this organisation. I think FSD and MSS want me to do programme evaluation for them, which is what I indicated I was interested in doing. There are also opportunities to teach English, Art & Craft, and other subjects--like maybe dance :)

3. I finally received my passport and my 6 month entry visa to India!

4. Last Monday I went to Emory's Student Health Clinic to get four vaccinations for my trip to India: two on each arm, one each for polio, tentanus, Hep A, and typhoid. When I return, I'll be getting my last one for Japanese Encephalitis. The injections weren't too bad; I'm not scared of needles and I just looked away as they were being done. I also have prescriptions for Malaria pills and diarrhoea pills. So I'm just about good to go!

Contact

I have an idea while you wait,
Your presence still crisp in my mind.
When words no longer bring comfort or hope,
We will love with our hands and weight.

We will sense each other in a different way,
Not through letters or raised voices.
There’s nothing left to say
Now that we sense the transience of each moment.

We will play.

Roll towards me, lean against me,
And I will nudge and surprise you
There is a world of possibilities left for us;
There are still many things for us to do.

I will trace the outline of your veins
Under your parchment paper skin;
Feel the strength of your bones,
Press against atrophied muscle.

We will play away the long, sticky days
While each moment passing is instantly gone.
Yet each minute is slow, laboured and drawn.

Perhaps you think this is odd
But it’s the only way I know.

Wait for me to come home.