Pushing it

Today was the second day of the Emory Dance Company concert. We've been having a pretty good run so far; people have been really enjoying our piece, and that's encouraging. On Sunday after the previous post about my lunch, something changed about the way I performed the piece. We had technical rehearsal that day so we got to try out our costumes and the lighting man did his lighting design on the piece. As we ran through the piece I suddenly began to see all these moments where I add textures of meaning. Instead of just being nice or timid, I could be mischievous, sly, content, annoyed, upset. And that made things so much more fun! George, the faculty coordinator, and Lindsay, the choreographer, say that Tuesday's technical rehearsal was the day the piece finally came alive for them, but I think it came alive for me on Sunday. It just needed a few days for me to process it, get over my hang-ups, and tell the stage that I was going to dance on it and no one was going to stop me. I finally got to that point on Wednesday.

It helps that the piece's concept is so irresistible. The piece has a storyline, a great score, and movement that is energetic and sharp. Working with F to choreograph her dance made me realise how hard it is to choreograph for other people because everyone moves differently. I think Lindsay did a great job recognising my and Steph's strengths, and channeling our energy to a dance that we enjoyed and thrived on.

Tuesday's tech rehearsal, the piece came alive. Wednesday's run was great; Steph and I really connected when we danced and I felt we were both pushing our limits while performing. That night, I couldn't get to sleep because I was so worried that I would mess up on opening night and not meet George's and Lindsay's elevated expectations. That didn't happen; Thursday night was a lot of fun, partly because of the audience. I could sense that the audience enjoyed the performance, and I fed off that energy. I felt like a wicked little imp as I ran across the stage, pushing, pulling and jumping into Steph. Although I'd had only 5 hours of sleep that night, once I stepped on the stage I felt as if I'd drank three cups of coffee. I loved it!

Tonight the energy on stage was just different. I hope it wasn't noticeable from the audience, but as much as I tried to regain yesterday's magic I couldn't. Maybe I wasn't making eye contact with Steph enough; maybe I wasn't as energetic; maybe it was out of my control. Still, the audience enjoyed our piece, and my friends who came were very generous with their praise. The audience laughed at the right moments and the final bow was, as usual, very gratifying. I enjoyed dancing it, pushing my limits, but something seemed off.

This diminished audience response made me realise, for the first time, the beauty of live performances. Most of the time when I sit in the audience I feel passive; I leave all the performing to the person on the stage. Entertain me! Yet when I am entertained, and I respond by laughing or cheering or staying very very still, I am feeding this response back to the artist, who senses it and feeds off it. And even in this staged performance there is an uncontrollable factor; in this artificial environment there is humanity and understanding.

On rare occasions, when we step outside the black box, our lives are changed. That's when art is powerful. Someone once said that entertainment presents us with what we know; art presents us with the unknown. I hope that our piece, besides entertaining the audience, made the audience think a little more about human relationships.