Mirrored

From www.annmariehughes.net

I was working on the piece for F today and videoed myself doing some movement. Maybe I was out of it today and my body didn't feel like moving, but I didn't like what I saw on the video. What goes on in my head when I dance doesn't translate into what is seen. It's kind of like how everyone hears their speaking/singing voice differently from everyone else. You always imagine you sound/look/act better than you actually do.

I think this is what Lori means when she talks about strengthening the mind-body connection. You can see someone perform a movement, but can you get your body to replicate it? Likewise, you can feel an emotion, but can you convey it to an audience through movement? All of us do that to some extent every day: the way we walk, look, and interact with people reveals to others our state of mind. But actions can be so easily misinterpreted, and the challenge in dance is to be precise in our movements.

It was discouraging seeing myself on film. 10 hours of dancing a week for 16 weeks and this is how I look? I could see so much room for improvement: I am still too flowy, my hands are not used efficiently, my plie could be deeper, my upper body could be better articulated.

And then I reminded myself that I need to stop striving to be better and accept where I am at this moment. I didn't always spend this much time dancing, and I encountered many obstacles that discouraged me from pursuing it further. More importantly, I don't have to be good (or the best, or excellent; these are all relative terms) at something to enjoy it. Most importantly, I don't need this to validate my existence, because I will never be content if I keep clinging to superficial, transient things.

Such vanity--beauty, intelligence, talent, money, popularity. All these things ebb and flow through life, and to put our worth in them is such foolishness.